A terminal illness diagnosis can truly rock your entire world. Whether this is something you were anticipating or you’re completely caught off guard, it can be hard to look past the moment right in front of you. However, your diagnosis doesn’t just impact you; it also can have a tremendous impact on the health and well-being of your spouse.
When you have a spouse who is going to outlive you, it is important that you provide them with ample support while also respecting your wants and needs in the final months or years of your life. But what exactly should you be doing to comfort your spouse after your terminal illness diagnosis and ensure their well-being after your passing?
In this blog, we’ll explore several things you can do to help ease this incredibly difficult transition.
Start By Living in the Moment
Even if you have received a rough estimate of your life expectancy, there is no way to know exactly when you will pass. While it can be difficult, the best thing you can do to comfort your spouse who is going to outlive you is to live in the moment. In the immediate aftermath of your diagnosis, although it may be difficult, try not to dwell on what this diagnosis means.
Instead, try to focus on enjoying every minute you still have with your spouse and other loved ones. Unfortunately, none of us has control over death. Choosing to dwell on your diagnosis can take away from valuable time with your loved ones. Try to take advantage of as much time as you’ve been given, as these final memories can be incredibly comforting to your spouse.
Consider Signing Them Up for Grief Counseling
It is difficult to know how your spouse will react following your passing, but with mental health support, you’ll have the peace of mind that they have appropriate coping techniques. Grief counseling before a loved one passes, also known as anticipatory grief counseling, is a great first step in treating anxiety and depression that comes with being the surviving spouse.
During this counseling, your mental health counselor may utilize exposure and response prevention (ERP) therapy. This therapy option helps individuals with anxiety disrupt the cycles of unpleasant thoughts, like concerns about how the home will run and what will come of your spouse in the aftermath of your passing.
In addition to individual therapy sessions, your spouse who is going to outlive you may also benefit from grief support groups. Talking to individuals who have experienced a loss similar to their own can help them prepare for the transition and offer them a reliable support system who can be present when you’ve passed.
Address Their Practical Fears
If you were the person responsible for responsibilities around the home, maintaining your finances, or planning your day-to-day, it isn’t uncommon for your spouse to be nervous about this transition. This is a completely normal thing for your spouse who is going to outlive you to worry about, and it is something you can directly address.
Before your passing, discuss how you’ve managed household financials, household logistics, and the legal implications of your passing. While they may struggle to remember everything you discuss, especially in the immediate aftermath of your passing, this is invaluable information that they will need to make this transition as smooth as possible.
Talk to Them About Rightsizing
Whether you have lived in a small home together for a few years or you still own a home you bought together decades ago, now is a good time to talk about rightsizing. Transitioning from living with a spouse to living alone can be hard. However, this becomes even more difficult if the home feels far too big and empty when they are on their own.
If you have a spouse who is going to outlive you, consider talking to them about moving into a smaller home in a 55+ community. These properties ensure your new neighbors are individuals of similar ages, giving them ample support with people who may have also lost a spouse and with whom they can discuss this transitional period.
Additionally, many 55+ communities are HOA-run, which means your spouse who is going to outlive you won’t have to worry about the semantics of caring for the lawn, shoveling snow, or replacing roofs when they’ve worn out. Instead, this passes the outdoor responsibilities onto the shoulders of the HOA board, which can be beneficial when going through grief.
Encourage Support Systems for Your Spouse Who is Going to Outlive You
In addition to building a support system through grief counseling service, consider talking to your family member about providing support for your spouse who is going to outlive you. Turn to your children, siblings, grandchildren, and friends for support before you pass, but also consider talking to them about what comes after you pass.
Be open with these loved ones about your concern for your spouse who is going to outlive you. Also remind your spouse regularly how important it is to turn to these loved ones when things get difficult. There may be periods of time where they struggle to get things done on their own or when they’ll lack motivation.
This is an incredibly common part of the grieving process. While it is difficult to ask for help when you aren’t doing well, it is the best thing they can do for themself following your passing. Validate their fears and assure them that it is okay to be sad, scared, or angry following your death, and that turning to their support system can help them establish a new normal routine.
Leisure Villas is Committed to Supporting You and Your Loved Ones
At Leisure Villas, our team understands how hard it can be to lose a spouse, but it can also be difficult to comfort your spouse who is going to outlive you. Our 55+ communities help you build a trusted support system who can help your spouse in the aftermath of your passing. Whether you’ve recently been diagnosed with a terminal illness or want to prepare for anything to happen, we’re here to support you and your spouse who is going to outlive you, today and for many years to come.
If you would like to tour one of our communities in Northern Utah, please contact us today.